Baring Your Soul in Writing

A need of expressing myself and a small identity crisis with a hint of wanting my voice to reach others. One of the best decisions I’ve made to be honest. – Basant She, FAQs.

I begun my blogging journey for many, many reasons. I was a new university student studying abroad in an environment polar opposite to home. Even worse than that, I was genuinely bored. Bored of my comfortable surroundings. Bored of not having a channel of expression. After fully settling in and figuring out everything about this new environment, I noticed that I had nothing to work towards, like a high school club I was extremely passionate about. A bored state can be a dangerous thing but I actually believe this to be the aspect of my life at the time that caused me to want to pursue writing the most. My general disinterest to my surroundings brought me into a whole new world of writing. A little universe where I’m completely in control. A place I could bare my whole soul in writing.

Blogging became such a huge outlet for me. It was a form of therapy, a place I could vent for however long I wanted about anything.  This new sense of control was extremely freeing, I felt like I could conquer everything. I started out pretty excited just like any other blogger when they debut, a good two posts every week with my nose constantly glued to my laptop screen in marketing and leaving comments. I could discuss my anxiety and my attempts at annihilating it, talk about current events, and feel nostalgic. I’d blog all day, every day. Thoughts of a Socially Anxious Extrovert became such a huge part of my everyday life, almost like an identity. I’d notice people knowing bits of information I hadn’t shared with them before and though it was a little odd, it added to the whole dominance vibe more. 

Peculiarly enough, it wasn’t just me who felt more powerful by blogging, there was this whole community in the shadows that breathed words and lived through writing. Authors, athletes, parents, students and adventurers. People from all over the world, all so different yet united through this simple mean of expression. It’s easy to say that I was kind of hooked to my blog, especially because I was surrounded by others with this similar obsession.

There’s usually a ‘but’ after a lot of positivity, isn’t there? Sadly, there’s one in this story as well. Baring my soul was so easy at the launch of my site, I could write about almost anything with immense enthusiasm but I’ve noticed that the more I write now, the more impassive I feel all while I do it. I’m not excitedly pouncing from one key to another while typing anymore, the words just don’t flow the same way. This is causing me a lot of issues honestly, I’m no longer as interested in the site as I used to. Is this what I’ve always read about, the dooming writer’s slump? I feel slightly trapped with something I love very much but I can’t clasp it at all.

Wow, that was dramatic. Forgetting all of that, no matter whether I’m in a slump or not, when I do manage to publish a post, it will always feel the same. This wonderful inner feeling of accomplishment, almost like I released a small part of my inner soul into the world.